Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
