this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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