i think my mom watched the whole time
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize