Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
