i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
