K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
