I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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