I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
