also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
