WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
