I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
