watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Randomize
