Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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