Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
