just come out here and I will go home with you...
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
