What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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