i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
