If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
