his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
