Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
