That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
