You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
