I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
