trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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