I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
