I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
