gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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