very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
