Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
