I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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