The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
