my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹ï¸
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