Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
