i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
