dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
