A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Randomize
