Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
