It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
