u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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