big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
