wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
