I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
