I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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