He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
