Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
