I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Randomize
