Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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