I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
