This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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