we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
