Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
