That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
