The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
