capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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