What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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