Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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