Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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