do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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