K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I need moral support for this bender
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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