I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
