tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
