I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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