take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
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