If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
