life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Randomize
