Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Found the puke drawer
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
