youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
