Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
