no, he came in my armpit
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Congratulations! We have a period
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