you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
