Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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