3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
you didnt know i had herpes?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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