i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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